Motion of life.

For most of my life i carried a secret that was weighing me down, strangling me. my childhood is a blur of moments when i felt so much and had no idea what to do with those feelings, so i just didn't think about them. eventually you teach yourself to stop feeling altogether. you become distant from others, because you can't relate to them. you stop dreaming of what kind of person you could be, because suddenly it's not worth it. you become a shell, moving through the motions of life. until one day I realized I was missing out on myself and began to let it in. So slowly at first, because it's exhausting, all the crying and the sensations. I would practice my conversations in the dark, in bed, admitting out loud things that I had pretended didn't happen. And slowly you start to feel normal again. but if teaching yourself how to feel is not the hardest thing in the world, I don't want to know what is. No one should have to know the feeling of breaking their own heart.